Amy’s Fun and Unique Birds + Bees Themed Holiday Gift Ideas

Fun and unique birds and bees gift ideas

Amys Fun and Unique Birds + Bees Themed Holiday Gift Ideas

It’s holiday time and that means presents. Here’s a list of fun and interesting birds + bees themed gifts so you can give some unique and different gifts this year.

Wildlife Houses & Feeders Butterfly and Nature Gifts 

They have homes for birds, bats, bees, ladybugs and even toads! Most of their houses are individually hand-painted, so slight variations in the painting occur and serve to enhance the originality of each piece.

Bird (and other critter) Themed Toys Songbird Garden 

They offer a wide selection of nature gift items that entertain, educate, and challenge the minds and imaginations of children. Everything from Paint a Bird House or Bird Feeder Kits, children’s books, kaleidoscopes, kids umbrellas, shaped rubber bands, bug windups and many other nature-themed toys are found at Songbird Garden.

Beeswax Candles Beeswax Candle Works

100% pure beeswax is the only ingredient in their handmade candles and they buy from only US beekeepers. They have over 35 sizes of hand dipped candles, three sizes of tea lights, four sizes of votives, two sizes of emergency candle tins, over 25 sizes of solid pillars, over 30 figurines, and 14 sizes of beeswax honeycomb candles.

Birds & Bees Jewelry Etsy 

Etsy is a marketplace where people around the world connect, both online and offline, to make, sell and buy unique goods.

Tea Birds & Bees Teas

Birds & Bees wants to share their love of loose leaf blends by encouraging mamas to create a daily self-care habit of sipping slowly. They believe that it’s important to support birth professionals, advocate for evidence based care and give back to the community through organizations that champion quality maternal health care for all.

Coffee Birds & Bees Blend from Kaldis Coffee

Birds & Bees is a South and Central American blend of hard-bean coffees, roasted hot and long until most of their essential oils rise to the surface. A classic roast perennially favored in Continental Europe. Kaldi’s Coffee is dedicated to creating a memorable coffee experience for their customers and guests, committing to sustainable business practices, providing educational opportunities, and supporting the communities that they serve.

Honey Ballard Bee Company

The Ballard Bee Company is what founder and owner Corky Luster calls an “urban pollination company.” The retail sales of honey coming from these hives supports their program of acquiring more hives and expanding the apiary into other parts of the city. Working together with neighbors and their backyards, the Ballard Bee Company produces a truly provincial food. It’s honey that is local…produced in the Seattle area with help of people who are involved in the food process.

Honeybees Heifer Project International 

Give the gift of honeybees and change a family’s life forever. Heifer Project empowers families to turn hunger and poverty into hope and prosperity – but their approach is more than just giving them a handout. Heifer links communities and helps bring sustainable agriculture and commerce to areas with a long history of poverty.

Chicks Heifer Project International 

Give the gift of a flock of chicks and change a family’s life forever. Heifer Project empowers families to turn hunger and poverty into hope and prosperity – but their approach is more than just giving them a handout. Heifer links communities and helps bring sustainable agriculture and commerce to areas with a long history of poverty.

Bodycare Products Burts Bees

From candles to cosmetics, Burt’s Bees believes what you put on your body should be made from the very best nature has to offer. And this means bees. 10% of the purchase price will be donated to The Burt’s Bees Greater Good Foundation.

Birds + Bees for Grown-Ups Babeland

Find something naughty AND nice! ;-) Claire Cavanah and Rachel Venning opened the first Babeland store in 1993 in response to the lack of women-friendly sex shops in Seattle. The store offered top quality products, a pleasant place to shop, and most of all information and encouragement to women who wanted to explore their sexuality. The store’s popularity with both women and men has led to three more stores in New York, plus a thriving and educational website.

Happy Gift Giving! If you have kids age seven and under it’s totally cool to give them a birds + bees book for the holidays. If they are over the age of seven, it’s totally un-cool — they will probably be embarrassed, so don’t do it. Book ideas for the little ones here: Amy’s Bookstore. (Scroll down to the bottom of the page.)

Posted in Family Time | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What is the Difference Between a Transgender Child or Gender Non-conforming Child?

transgender child  vs gender nonconforming child

Guest Blog By Susan Hope Berland

Generally, our culture assigns gender roles to children at birth based on their private parts. But sometimes kids don’t fit their birth-assigned gender and are gender non-conforming. I’ve been thinking a lot about why we want to know the gender of a new born baby. I think it’s to let us know how to relate to that new life. If “it’s a boy” we think in terms of male clothing, male colors, male toys. We buy blue or green or brown, not pink and purple. If “it’s a girl” we think in terms of female clothing, frilly and pink and girl toys like dolls.

How does a parent react when their little boy wants to wear glitter and tutus? Or their little girl refuses to wear a dress, wants her hair cut short and only likes “boy” toys? And what does it mean anyway? Does it mean that child is transgender? Does it mean that child is gay? Does it mean that child is gender non-conforming. Maybe and maybe not.

A child who is transgender will declare their gender

Typically, a child who is transgender will declare their gender. When you refer to her as a girl, she’ll say she’s a boy. A boy may ask why he has a penis – girls aren’t supposed to. There are signs like these that can let a parent know from an early age that their child is transgender.

Some children declare their gender as soon as they are old enough to express it. Others a little later and others not until just before or after puberty. Trust your child to know their gender even if it doesn’t conform to the gender they were assigned at birth and may not make sense to you. Gender is not about what genitals a person has but who they know themselves to be in their heart.  This can be hard for those of us who are not transgender to understand.

A gender non-conforming child (who is not transgender) just prefers clothing and toys of the opposite gender

The gender non-conforming child or gender expressive who is not transgender just prefers clothing and toys of the opposite gender to the one they were assigned at birth. Trying to force them to conform can cause a lot of emotional pain and stress for that child.

As a parent, it’s up to you to support your child’s preferred form of expression and to learn about this so you can be their champion. And it’s up to you to educate those around you and who interact with your child, including teachers and school administrators. And you may need to become advocates for your child to ensure they aren’t shamed, harassed, teased or bullied.

Like all children, gender non-conforming children and transgender children want to know that you love them just as they are. Do you want anything less for your children?

Parenting Coach Susan Berland is fiercely committed to guiding parents of LGBTQ youth back to a loving, accepting relationship when they are struggling to accept their child as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or queer. Susan guides parents and their kids to communicate effectively, trust one another and accept one another where and as they are. You can learn more about Susan at

Posted in Gender, LGTBQ, Transgender | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

How to talk about waiting for sex with young children

Talk To Young Kids About Waiting For Sex

… it’s important to plant the seed about waiting to have sex early on…. here’s how.

As part of your conversations with your little kids, it’s important to plant the seed about waiting early on. You will note that I don’t say anything about sex being something “adults” do because that’s not true. Teens have sex. It’s smarter to say, “When you are older.”

“Wait To Have Sex” Script for 3 to 8 year olds:

Even though sex feels really great, sex isn’t for kids. It’s for when you are older. Kids’ bodies, hearts and minds aren’t ready for sex. We’ll have lots of conversations about this stuff so when it’s time for you, you’ll be ready.

I hope you will wait until you are…(married, in college, in a loving committed relationship) before you take this step.

“Wait To Have Sex” Script for 9+:

The reason I expect you to wait until you are older to have sex is because this is an adult decision with really big consequences. The older you are, the better decisions you will make – and the sex will be better too!

When you are in a loving, committed relationship there is a level of trust, communication and respect that makes it safer to be sexual with someone. You can easily talk about birth control, what you like, what you would do if you or your partner became pregnant.

We will talk about this a lot and you may get tired of it. It’s my job to make sure you know it all so you can make great choices and have great relationships.

What are your plans for the future? Let’s talk about how your future would change if you were to become pregnant/impregnate someone.

Expert Tips On How To Talk To Your Kids About Waiting For Sex

If they ask you how old you were when you had sex the first time, be as honest as you can. If you lie, they will eventually find out, so it’s better to find a way to talk about it. For example, if Milo ever DARES to ask me that question, I will say, “I was one month from being 17 and with a guy that I really liked. We weren’t in a relationship. If I had it to do over again, I wish that I had been in love and in a relationship with someone I trusted, like your dad. That’s what I hope for you.”

One Note of Caution:

If you were sexually abused as a child or raped your first time, do not tell your children about this. Instead, talk to them about the first time you chose to have sex. Your child needs to see you as whole and healthy and I believe sharing a traumatic event like this with them can be very upsetting. When they are older (late teens) and it seems appropriate, it’s okay to tell them the rest of the story. I know you may not agree with me about this, and that’s cool. Do what you think is right for you and your family.

Posted in Age Appropriate, Parenting Tips | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Funny Birds + Bees Stories

The Funny Things Children Say About Sex

I’ve been at this a long time – 10 years! And parents tell me the funniest things their kids say about sex and bodies. Here are a few good ones to get you through the start of school.

I was thinking of you two weekends ago when I was driving with my 6 year old, William and he said, “Mommy, I need to know about sex. I want to make sure I understand so I will know how to do it when I grow up.”

We had our talk, your book really helped, btw. We spoke about all things an almost 7 year old needs to know and then some.

My favorite part, and you have to think in a little boy voice, was when he summarized by saying, “So the sperm SHOOOOOTS (ker-pow!) out of the penis and the swimming guys attack the egg (ahhhh, get out of my way, get out of my way!) trying to be the first in line to make the baby, right?”

I told him he got the first-grader version and that we would need to talk again either when he had more questions or was older – that there were other more detailed versions in store for him, lol.


I run into my 10 year old daughter’s room when I’m on my way to the shower (yes, I’m naked), I ask her a quick question and get her response and she says,”Okay. . .can you leave now because this IS NOT a pretty sight!”


My five year old daughter was going to the bathroom and all her friends where there. The hostess checked on them and my daughter said, “I’m fine! This is Vaginatown!”


6 year old boy: “You know the other thing I hate about having a penis is that it’s never in the right place at the right time.”


11 year old girl to her father regarding sex: “But it’s so squishy in there, how can you stand it?!”


“It’s not a weiner – it’s a dick!” One 2nd grade boy to another.


8 year old boy: “I know the ‘F’ word.”

Mom: “What?”

Boy: “Can I say it?”

Mom: “Sure.”

Boy: “Fugina.”


And one of my all-time favorites:

2.5 year old boy to his mother: “Mommy do you have a penis? Oh, I know! You have a brain!”


Do you have any great sex-talking stories? I’d love to hear them! Feel free to email me back, tell your tale and let me know if it’s okay for me to use them in my upcoming book. ;-) Thanks!

Posted in Parenting Tips | Tagged , | Leave a comment

How to talk about the “F” word with your kids!


…And now I had to explain, in an age appropriate way, the ins-and-outs of the f-bomb!

On a sunny afternoon on the way home from day camp when Milo was about 5, he cheerfully told me about the funny word written under the slide at the park. “F-U-C-K? Few-ch? Is that right? What does it mean?”

Sigh. My very favorite word. A word he’d heard regularly since birth. A word I knew I should stop saying, but didn’t. And now I had to explain, in an age appropriate way, the ins-and-outs of the f-bomb.

 Script for 3 to 8 year olds:

Fuck is an ugly word and it’s definitely not a word for kids to use. It is one of the worst swear words out there. People feel very uncomfortable when they hear this word. So the rule in our family, is that kids don’t say that word.

If they know what sex is, then tell them it means “sex.” If they don’t, it’s time to start the sex talking party. You can explain what fuck means after they know about sex. Consider this a great opportunity!

Script for 9+:

Fuck is an ugly way of saying “sex.” It’s definitely not a word for kids to use and it is one of the worst swear words out there. People feel very uncomfortable when they hear this word. So the rule in our family, is that kids don’t say that word.

People use this word in all kinds of ways – an adjective, verb, noun, etc. But at the end of the day, it’s really about sex. It’s crass and harsh and I’m going to ask you not to use it.

Script for potty mouthed parents (like me):

As you know, you’ve heard me say this word with regularity. I probably shouldn’t, but I do. You can get in trouble for using this word, so it’s smarter if you don’t use it. However, I don’t want to be a hypocrite, so you can swear in front of me and with your best friend, but not in front of other adults or kids.

It’s your choice, but be aware that it’s very offensive and could get you in big trouble.

I know you are now punching the air with your fist and saying, “Fuck ya! Thanks for the scripts, Amy!”

Posted in Parenting Tips | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Thank You Playboy for Making Your Magazine Safe for Teen Boys



For years I have recommended parents provide their teen boys (the bonafide straight ones, of course) with copies of nudie mags as an alternative to Internet porn. As a certified feminist, my BA is in Women Studies, this advice has understandably given me pause. I don’t like the sexualization of women. Not one bit.

But you know what I hate?

I hate it that porn is now a part of childhood. Hate. It.

I hate it that boys and girls think that they know how to have sex from watching Internet porn. I hate it that the average age of exposure is 12 – it’s probably younger. I hate it that it fucks up their developing sexuality. I really hate the idea of a kid’s first sexual encounter being more disappointing than it needs to because they thought it was going to be like porn.

I really, really, really hate it that most parents think their child will some how not see it. Ha. That smart phone you think your child “needs”? It’s a computer. With the Internet. The WHOLE Internet. How handy! Your sweet kiddo can see any and everything at any time of the day or night.

My Kid Doesn’t Look At Porn

Oh! That’s right! Not YOUR kid. Here’s the deal. EVERYONE thinks this and it’s always someone’s kid. Pull your head out of your ass and figure out how to enable parental controls and monitoring software on your child’s phone. Or, better yet. Don’t give them one until they are old enough to handle it appropriately.

Playboy Magazine’s Brilliant Move

But I digress. . .back to Playboy’s brilliant move. They have decided to stop using nude models in their magazine. What was once completely cutting edge is now weirdly passe. Times change, and since it’s possible to see any sex act you can imagine for free online, they decided to go old school. Starting in March, their models will be scantily clad.

Why do I love this? First of all, straight boys (and some girls!) like to look at images of naked or semi-naked women. Always have. Always will. So why not steer them to a magazine that will give them what they want and provide some pretty darned top notch sex ed articles as well?

I checked with my boy sexuality expert, Jo Langford about this and he says that giving a kid a magazine will most likely not encourage him to seek out more or harder core porn.

Think about it. It’s private to access, it’s relatively tame and they can get their rocks off without being exposed to some seriously scary shit.

You can subscribe to the magazine here. I just did. $29.97 for two years. Milo is going to kill me, but that’s my problem. ;-)
Watch & Learn Webinar: How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex

Posted in Boys, Gender, Pornography, Sexual behavior, Teens | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Great books for kids about puberty!

Every child needs a book that is solely focused on puberty. And girls need to know about boys’ bodies and boys need to know about girls’ bodies. Here are some of my favorites for kids ages eight to twelve.

Covers both boys and girls (and sex):


Puberty can start as young as eight, so every child needs a book that is solely focused on puberty from the third grade on.

Will Puberty Last My Whole Life? REAL Answers to REAL Questions from Preteens About Body Changes, Sex, and Other Growing–Up Stuff Julie Metzger, RN MN and Robert Lehman, MD

It’s Perfectly Normal! Changing bodies, growing up, sex and sexual health Robie Harris and Michael Emberley

For girls:

The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls, Valorie Schaefer and Josee Masse

The Care and Keeping of You 2: The Body Book for Older Girls, Cara Natterson and Josee Masse

The Girls Body Book: Everything You Need To Know For Growing Up YOU! Kelly Dunham and Laura Tallardy

For boys:

The Boy’s Body Book: Everything You Need To Know For Growing Up YOU! Kelly Dunham and Steven Bjorkman

What’s Going on Down There? Answers to Questions Boys Find Hard to Ask Karen Gravelle with Nick and Chava Castro

For you:

Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, Daniel Siegel, MD

Puberty and adolescense do not need to be a time of craziness in your family. In fact, the more you know about what’s going on with their brains and bodies, the easier time you will have. If your child is well informed about what to expect and know you have thier back and are a ready and willing source of support, it will help you all sail through this change of life.

Posted in Parenting Tips | Tagged , | Leave a comment

15+ New Rules For Boys’ Sexual Health

Here you go, my thoughts on the new and improved ways we should be talking to boys about sexuality. Just like girls, there’s a bunch of old rules that need to be junked so all kids can grow up to be whole and healthy adults.

new rules for boys sexual health

Most boys would rather have a girlfriend than sex, no matter what they may say. If they are given the choice between these two things, the girlfriend wins.

1) He’s the boss of his body.

Boys need to hear they are the “boss of their bodies” from an early age because it keeps them safer from sexual abuse. They need to know it is just fine for them to say “no” to any kind of touch that feels uncomfortable to them, no matter how old they are. This means you need to request permission before touching them (even hugging); teach them to wipe their own damn butts by the time they are four; and make sure they know their privates are not to be shared with anyone, even someone they know, love and trust.

2) Boys are sexually abused and assaulted too.

Our initial assumption is that girls are the ones who are at most risk for sexual abuse (which is true), but the stats on boys are just as horrible. Especially if you consider ANY sexual abuse of a child a horrific act. This means you need to talk openly with your son about what sexual abuse is, how to protect himself, and just as importantly if he’s taken advantage of someone or is thinking about doing this. The sexual abuse of children will end if we step up and start talking openly about it.

3) He should be prepared for puberty to start around age 10.

Most boys start puberty at about age ten, but everyone is on their own schedule. He needs to feel confident and informed about this change of life so he can be ready for all it’s weirdnesses. Be sure to assure him that everyone goes through this and that his body is normal. If he has questions about puberty or worries about his body, let him know he can talk to his doctor. Someone at my house suggested that it would be really great to have pre-addressed envelopes available for a boy so he can write to his doctor if he has questions. This makes it less embarrassing and much more private to get the info he needs. Or so someone over here thinks. And yes, we have envelopes ready to go.

4) It’s normal for him to be emotional and feel all the feels.

Boys are social and emotional first; physical second. Boys get shortchanged in the emotions department so be sure to allow him to feel all of his feelings, no matter how loud and door slammy he may get. The more he can talk about how he’s feeling, the better for everyone, especially his future partner. Help your son identify his feelings as he’s experiencing them so he can learn to use his feeling words. And don’t every tell him he is wrong, bad or weak for being upset. You wouldn’t do this to your daughter. Don’t do it to your son.

5) Consent. Always.

Consent means saying YES wholeheartedly. “No means no” is officially dead. “Yes means yes” is the new and improved model for consent. Your son needs to know it’s very important he asks his partner if she (or he) is okay with what they are doing when he’s fooling around with someone. “Yes” is clear consent and he needs to be 100% okay with the behavior too. If alcohol or drugs are involved, consent cannot be given. This excellent little video does a great job of explaining consent. Feel free to watch it with your son. It’s great and funny. Tea!

6) Porn lies about sex.

Boys and girls use porn as “sex ed” and believe what they see is real, live, actual-factual sex. When, in fact it’s real, live actual-factual acting. He needs to know porn starts in the middle of a sexual encounter and it’s usually a man’s fantasy of what sex should be like. Sure, the various parts are getting stuck in a variety of holes, and women really do have sex with other women and men and another man, and then one more woman, but this is fairly rare and definitely not the norm for most people.

7) When he watches porn it can mess with his heart, mind, and, frankly, his dick.

It is too much for him to process emotionally and psychologically because he is not mature enough to fully understand the ins-and-outs of sexuality. It can mess with his dick because he can become so dependent on it for masturbation that when the real thing comes along, he can’t get off because it’s not stimulating enough. Real sex involves communication, clear consent, give-and-take, and, especially in the early days of learning how to have sex, mainly oral and vaginal sex, unless he’s gay, then anal may be on the table. Make sure he knows this.

8) Anal sex is varsity level sex.

A whole rule devoted to anal sex! Yay! The reason I had to include this is because porn makes it look like every and anyone is having anal sex and LOVING it! This is just not true. Some people have anal sex. Not everyone and when they do, they know what they are doing. Your boy needs to know that anal is not for beginners and requires time, attention, lots of communication and lube.

9) Guys lie about sex. All the time.

Most boys would rather have a girlfriend than sex, no matter what they may say. If they are given the choice between these two things, the girlfriend (without sex) wins. They say the status of having a regular girlfriend out ways the bragging rights about having sex. That being said, make sure your son knows that boys lie about their sex lives because, culturally, they (still) “look cooler” if it’s known they have had sex. Never mind the fact that the girl they had sex with is (still) considered a slut for “putting out.” The double standard is alive and well. Talking about it will help it go away. Maybe.

10) Let him know how much is too much masturbation.

Nearly everyone masturbates, especially adolescent boys and thank goodness! Can you imagine the mess we’d be in if they didn’t take matters into their own hands when it comes to their raging hormones? Let him know that he’s doing it too much if he’s hurting himself or finds himself wanking rather than doing other things, like hanging out with his friends or gaming or playing basketball. Also, if he’s only masturbating with online porn, he should switch it up so that he can handle the real deal when it comes his way. And he shouldn’t be watching the porn anyway, but that’s another conversation. Go old school and get him a Playboy magazine.

11) If he messed around with a same-sex friend or watches porn with male friends, it doesn’t mean he’s gay.

Boys engage in sexual play and behavior with their same-sex, close-in-age pals all the time. Not every kid, but this happens very frequently and will continue to happen forever and ever, amen. It’s how they learn about their own (and other’s sexuality). It’s smart for you to causally mention that this can be a normal part of childhood, it happens all the time, should be consenting, and it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s gay or bisexual. It could, but probably not. If he’s worried about who he’s sexually attracted to, this a great way to open the door to that conversation. It also may open the door to a conversation about sexual abuse, so be prepared for that.

12) Condoms are required for sex. No excuses.

No matter who they are doing it with, their steady girlfriend, boyfriend or some one they hook up with. Most guys don’t have any symptoms when they have an STD. So when you say “sex” say “condom” and buy them for him. By 7th grade, you should have condoms in your home for him to practice putting on and masturbating with and so there are no excuses about not having one. I get it, this sounds like you are giving permission for him to have sex. You aren’t. You’re giving him permission to not be a dumbshit about his sexual health. He should be able to put one on blindfolded and left handed waaaaaay before he really needs one.

13) He needs to know about the most effective kinds of birth control.

Your boy needs to know what the most effective kinds of birth control are and where to get them. He will have platonic and romantic girlfriends. The more informed he is about birth control the better partner and friend he will be. Birth control is required for heterosexual sex, so your son should be fully engaged in this part of his sex life.

14) No one “owes” you sex or “asks” for it.

You need to talk about this explicitly, even though you think he knows this because it’s obvious. Nearly every bit of media he consumes with regard to women and sex will have some element of this in it. His friends will think this, too. You need to make sure he understands that no matter what she wears, says or even does, it doesn’t mean she wants to have sex or fool around or anything unless she SAYS she does. Also, there is no such thing as “blue balls” and even if he’s got an uncomfortable erection, he’ll just have to deal with it.

15) Oral sex goes both ways and is not a commodity.

Oral sex is something most people engage in because it feels great! However, many boys don’t get the message that it’s a two way street: if she goes down on him, he should be 100% game to return the favor. Also, blow jobs are not a commodity and if a girl offers him one and they are not in a relationship of some sort, including a consensual, sex-for-fun, one-time romp, or she wants something in return (like a ride somewhere) the answer is “no.” It’s disrespectful for your son to accept the offer of a BJ if he’s not going to return the favor or it’s in exchange for something. Amen.

16) No one is good at sex the first time (or the second time) and he won’t be either.

He needs to know that having sex is a learned skill and it takes time to figure it all out. Everyone is all beaks and feet at first. This is why it’s so great for your first time to be with someone you know, like (if not love) and trust. Porn makes it look so easy! And fun! And orgasmic! This is only a tiny bit true. Make sure they know that it takes time to get to know their partner and themselves at first. Communication is key.

17) It’s not okay to brag about your sex life.

Guys like to brag about their sex lives and it is not okay. They sound like sexist, insensitive, asshats, when they do, so make sure your sweet boy understands that sex is private. He should know that it’s disrespectful to his partner to talk openly and in detail about what goes down in the bedroom. And if he’s a real stand up guy, he’ll tell his friends to shut up when they are openly discussing their sex lives like it’s a football game. Gah.

18) If his friends are harassing a girl, he needs to step up and stop it.

The same rule as above applies here. If your son is with a group of guys and they are in anyway harassing a girl, he needs to step up and step in to protect her. Yeah, he’ll get some flack, but he will survive. And the guys who are in the group but are too chicken to do anything to stop it will be relieved and envious. And ashamed, especially if someone gets raped or otherwise hurt. And the girl he protects? Well, let’s just say there’s it doesn’t get much better than looking like a hero.

Wait! That was a few more than 15 rules. And there are even more!! Like they need to start the HPV vaccination by age 11 because they are the primary HPV delivery system to women and girls. I’m sure there are more, so use these to get the conversations started. And please, please, please remember to talk about your values about sex, love and relationships. They need to hear this too. Good luck — you’ve got this!

Watch & Learn Webinar: How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex

Posted in Boys, Gender, Parenting Tips, Pornography, Teens, Tweens, What to Say | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

How to Talk to Kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder About Sex

If you have a kid with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) talking to them about sex can seem like a daunting task, I’m sure. You already have so many worries on your plate I am sure that adding in sex ed can feel overwhelming. And just to be clear, I’m not an expert on


As with most children who are not typically developing in someway, your kiddo is more vulnerable to being taken advantage of sexually. This makes it doubly important you have conversations with your child that are direct, regular and chock-full of information.

ASD, but I am one on SEX and think every child deserves a great sex education. Please be sure to leave any sex-talking wins and ideas you have for other parents of ASD kids in the

comments section.

As with most children who are not typically developing in someway, your kiddo is more vulnerable to being taken advantage of sexually. This makes it doubly important you have conversations with your child that are direct, regular and chock-full of information.

Here are a few tips:

1) Use a straightforward and factual tone, but remember to be light hearted about your conversations as well.

2) Use my sex talks formula with wild abandon. It’s clear and simple, so it’ll be helpful for your child. The formula is this: FACTS + VALUES. Explain what something is and what your value is about it. You can also think about this as FACTS + (WHY) + VALUES.

For example: FACT: A condom is something a man puts on his penis before he has sex to capture the semen and sperm. It stops the woman from becoming pregnant and prevents passing germs. VALUE: The rule is (or I believe) when you have sex with someone the man always uses a condom so you can have safer sex.

3) Have frequent conversations about bodies and boundaries and be specific about what kind of touching is okay and when and by whom. For example, “It’s okay to touch your own penis in private when you are alone. It’s not okay to touch your penis in public because people don’t like it. It’s not okay for anyone else to touch your penis unless you are at the doctor.”

4) Use the real words (penis, testicles, vulva, vagina, breasts) and skip the euphemisms (making love vs. sexual intercourse) until they have a good understanding of what goes where, how things work, etc.

5) Do not fall for the idea that your child is either over-sexual or under-sexual. This means either the person is over-sexual, they are crazed and obsessive about it; or not sexual at all and have no desire for or interest in sex. Just like every other person on the planet, your kid is probably somewhere in the middle.

6) If you thought puberty was strange and romance confusing when you were growing up, your ASD child may be finding it even more so. Make sure they have good, fact-based books to help them navigate this important part of life. Check out these resources for autistic kids.

Here is a great website for you: Autism Sex Education

Again, I’m not an expert on ASD, so if you have any other ideas for parents when it comes to these important conversations, feel free to leave them in the comments section.

For more ideas for talking to kids about sex in general, visit my website –

Posted in Developmentally Different Kids, How To Talk To Kids About Sex | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Your Christian Values Will NOT Protect Your Kid!

Christian Values Will Not Protect Your Child, Christian sex talks, birds and bees

It does not matter what your religious values are – Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Wiccan or Atheist – if you do not prepare your child for the reality of the world outside of your home, you put them at risk.

I am getting very tired of parents thinking that because they have “Christian values” their children are somehow safer from the ills of the world. They seem to think their magical bubble of Jesus will make it so their child will be protected from Internet porn, sexual abuse, or will even make them wait until they get married before they have sex. And this magical bubble of belief also seems to be more important than the health and welfare of their children.

Now, before you get your panties in a wad, I know most Christians are not all like that. I know many, many, many of you do not suffer this illusion. But holy crap! There are a big old bunch who do and I just can’t stand it.

I got an email from a mom of a 9 year-old boy who has been grabbing girls, trying to kiss them and calling them hot and sexy and won’t stop it. This, for those of you who don’t intuitively get it, is not typical behavior for a 9 year-old boy. She was understandably distressed about this and I gave her some solid advice about what might be going on and how to help her kid.

The part that made me crazy is that she said they have limited screen-time (yay!) and “strong Christian values.” She said she can’t figure out where he’s learning this rude and disrespectful behavior. I am pretty sure he’s either seen porn or some of his pals have. I’d guess they have been “playing” this way for a while and the adults in their lives are not stepping in and correcting their behavior or tracking down the root of it.

It does not matter what your religious values are – Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Wiccan or Atheist – if you do not prepare your child for the reality of the world outside of your home, you put them at risk. And by preparing for reality, I mean talking to them openly about sex, pleasure, waiting, bodies, puberty, relationships, birth control, STD’s — all the sexuality stuff.

And the biggest thing? The most important thing? You MUST talk to them about Internet pornography and make sure they know what it is, what to do if they see it, why people watch it and your family rules about it. Your “Christian values” will not help them in the least if they don’t know how to deal with this part of modern childhood. You need to know if your kid sees porn and the only way to know (other than crazy-ass behavior) is if you make it easy for them to talk to you about it.

Finally, I find it incredibly distressing when a parent values their religious beliefs more than they do the health and welfare of their child. If your belief system or parts of it cause your child to be in pain or to be at risk for pain, I think it is completely fucked up to pick your religion over the health and welfare of your child. Your religious beliefs will be fine without your support. Your child will not.

The reason I’m all ticked off about this is because I read a FB post by someone who kept her child in a small, private Christian school from kindergarten to 9th grade where she never fit in. They kept her there because the parents liked the bible-based education and, I’m guessing, the safe feeling of the school. The parents have now allowed the child to attend a public high school and while the mom is terrified (of what, I’m not sure), she thinks her daughter will do better – because she won’t feel like a freak.*

So, you are more than welcome to your “Christian values” but you are not more than welcome to think they are a magical protective shield because they are not. And if you don’t believe me, take a look at your own experiences growing up and learning about sex and sexuality. I am willing to bet my first-born child your “Christian values” didn’t keep you safe.

Learn more about how to talk to your kids at my website –

*Update: she’s loving her new school and comes home “smiling every day.” Praise Jesus.

Posted in Values | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment