Sexualized Girls – Laura Ingalls Style

The setting: The Little House on the Prairie.

The scenario: Pa Ingalls is playing The Arkansas Traveler on the fiddle, while, Ma, Laura, Mary and baby Carrie are listening as the sun sets on a long day.

The dance moves: Laura sweetly gyrates her hips and bends forward to show the world her sexy 8 year old booty and Mary shimmies and shakes her 10 year old breast buds all around, both flaunting their bodies for all they’ve got.

Ma looks on, bemused as she watches her two big girls dancing their hearts out. She hears a voice inside of her say, “Hm. This behavior seems a bit mature for their ages. I wonder if it’s okay for them to be dancing like bar girls? Oh, well, it must be, everyone else is doing it. What harm can it do?”

 

Kids Who Drink Alcohol are More Likely to Have Sex

As you know, alcohol consumption = lowered inhibition = sex . Or as my witty British friend once said, “Gin is a panty dropper.” Except for me. I hate it.

Talking to kids about the relationship between drinking and sex is super-duper important. You know drinking makes sex more likely, so talk about it when you talk to your kids about sex.

Please don’t bother to think “not my kid” or “she’s got a good head on her shoulders” because you know that your parents thought the same thing about you.  My guess is they were, well, wrong.

Kathy Slattengren of Priceless Parenting has a great blog on this very topic. Check it out and join me on April 21 as I torture Milo, once again, with seemingly useless information for an 11 year old boy.

Is puberty starting earlier?

The short answer is yes. The long answer is yes as well.

Remember! Girls start puberty before their periods start!

Here’s what we know and be sure to read this awesome article from the NY Times:

The most legitimate reason for the earlier onset in girls is because they are fatter (have more fat, not poundage) and/or healthier and therefore ready to make babies sooner.

Boys are starting puberty sooner too and my guess is that it’s for the same reasons – fatter = healthier = ready to breed.

Stress may be a big contributing factor to early puberty.

We’re seeing puberty in typically developing girls start as young as 8. The average age seems to be about 9 or 10.

Boys start puberty at about 11 as opposed to 13 or so which was the standard go-to age.

The study that told us girls have periods at 12 or 13 was flawed. It was done on a bunch of white, middle class girls from the same neck of the woods.

The “real” age girls start periods is “12 years old, plus or minus 3 years.” Not helpful, really. It seems to be most girls start around age 11. If you daughter is your bio kid, then when you started is about when she’ll start.

Boys choirs are suffering because their sopranos’ voices are changing by 13 instead of 15.

Talk to them sooner than you think – age 8 – about puberty. If they aren’t quite there yet, one of their classmates is sure to be.

 

 

How to explain “virginity” to a child

Everyone has a story about the first time they had sex. Your kids may ask you about when you lost your virginity. They may not.

When you talk with them about this, you have a choice about how much you tell them, and whether you talk about it at all. Please don’t lie to them. They have great BS detectors and you will completely discredit yourself if you lie and get caught.

I’m going to give a couple of scripts for fielding this question, but it’s ultimately up to you to figure out how you will respond to this question.

Early Childhood
The first time someone has sex is sometimes called “losing your virginity.” A virgin is person who has never had sex.

I think it’s smart to wait until ____________ before you have sex for the first time. I believe this because…

Tween
I had sex for the first time when I was a teenager. When I look back and think about the choices I made, I feel good. I was ready and with someone I loved and trusted. We made sure we wouldn’t get pregnant or an infection and talked a lot about our decision.

When I look back at the choices I made, my hope for you is that you will wait until you are out of high school, in a loving committed relationship, have protection and are really ready for sex and can handle all the consequences.

I had sex when I was too young and completely unprepared for the consequences. What I hope for you is…

When do you think a person should have sex for the first time? When do you think someone is ready for sex?

How to Talk About “Private Parts” with Your Child

Throw in a little chit-chat about “safe and unsafe” touch as part of this conversation. And the sooner you cover this, the better.

Early Childhood (Birth to 8)
Privates, the areas covered by your bathing suit, are private! They are a sensitive area of your body for you only. Please let me know if someone wants to touch or look at your [penis or vulva] or if you touch or look at anyone else’s.

Just like your eyes, nose and mouth, the penis, scrotum, vulva, vagina and anus are sensitive areas of the body. It’s important no one, other than you, touch them because you could get hurt.

No adult or older kid should look at or touch your privates. Even if you know and like them, like your coach, cousin, teacher, babysitter, or neighbor, it’s never okay for them to touch you in this way.

If you are having a problem, then mommy or daddy or the doctor may need to look at your privates. We’ll always ask first and will be with you if the doctor needs to look.

It’s okay for you touch your own privates when you are alone.

Tweens (9 to 12)
Sometimes kids get curious about each other’s bodies. Your privates are private and you have the right to say “no” if someone wants to look at or touch them. It’s also not okay for you to touch at or look at anyone else’s penis, scrotum, anus, vulva or vagina.

Please let me know if this happens to you, you won’t be in trouble and I will help you and the person who touched you in this way, if needed. Even if the person tells you bad things will happen if you tell, they are lying. You can always tell me if something like this happens.

Who Are Your Kids “Safe Adults?”

A “safe adult” is someone you trust, who shares your values and your child sees fairly frequently. At our house, Milo’s safe adults are me, his dad, his grandma, my sister-in-law and his best friend’s mom.

By letting them know who their safe adults are, kids have someone they can confide in who has their best interest at heart – and your’s too. Often, they will confide in this person before they confide in us so they can test the waters in terms of adult reactions.

And be sure to tell the safe adults they have this honor!

Early Childhood + Tween
Let’s think up a list of 5 people we love and trust and who would help you if you needed it. These are your “safe adults.” You can tell them if you are worried about something, need help or have a problem.

Safe adults don’t ask you to keep secrets.

Why We Need Sex Ed NOW!

I love a good graphic! This pretty much says it all.

http://www.publichealthdegree.com/reproductive-health-education/

If I was bloggier, I’d stick the image here, but I’m not.

Share this puppy would you? It’s awesome.